Yo, I usually like to think of myself as someone who gives in a lot of effort. I'm extra af, if I haven't already established that. But of course, I am an anxious child and more often than not, I sink into the thinking that I'm only putting the normal/enough amount of effort-- and when I open up to someone about it, they look at me crazily, as if they want to smack me upside the head, then tell me with a firm 'no' that I put in above average effort. Frankly, the first few times it happened, I just thought that maybe people were trying to make me feel better. But it has now happened too often enough that I'll just believe that there's a semblance of truth to it. I do put in a lot of effort to most of the things that I do. However, I often find myself thinking how effort, or rather, the extent of it, is even important in success; in getting the results that you want. What is enough, and what isn't? How would you know otherwise? And why in the freaking heck do I question myself whether I've given something enough effort or not, months after it happened? Like brain, my man, I thought we were on the same team? Realistically speaking, though, money, unfortunately, outweighs effort. By a landslide, if I must say. If you don't believe me, then you must have more money than you may have realised. I went into a gap year after high school, confident, that with the extra amount of free time that I have and the number of schools I'd be applying to, after a year, my only dilemma would be choosing which school to attend. I prefer not to give away too much detail at the moment but let's just say that it's almost the end of my gap year and I'm left anxious in a situation I hadn't anticipated. At the very least, I could tell you that at this very moment, I feel crossed and very frankly, treated unfairly by fate. I put in a lot of effort. I'll admit that. I led a productive and sterling high school career. I'll profess that. But I can't seem to get things to work the way they want to no matter how much effort I exert. And the people whom I've outperformed then, are mostly in better, secure, and stable situations now. I'm not saying that they got where they were solely through money but I'd say that that certainly helped.
Life is unfair. Fate is unfair. Life favours those who can pay. Fate occurs if you could afford it. And yes, I am bitching about it but it had to be said.
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