I consider myself a pretty good friend, honestly. When you need to ask a question, just drop me a text. If the type of help you need requires my physical presence, I will go to you. And if I can't, I will be there with you in spirit by sending you gifs of myself making a fool out of myself. I can and I will give up something/one *ehem* even a crush *ehem* if you wanted it. I am a pretty good friend BUT... I'm not a great friend. The key point is that if you need me, I'll be there, but during the times that you don't, it could be as if I vanished off of the face of the Earth. Period. And that's what makes me a good friend but not a great friend. I don't really have a solid excuse as to why this happens, it just does. I guess part of the reason could be because small talk is something I'm not particularly skilled at. During the times that I do gather the courage to strike up a conversation, I often find myself struggling to keep the conversation going. And because of that, I've become slightly... afraid? Afraid that my initiated conversations and awkward jokes are unwelcome and unanticipated? And so these days I just lurk and wait until you need me for something again or maybe you just thought about me and genuinely wondered how I was doing. At the very least, I hope you at least haven't forgotten about me. Well, at least I could always depend on my stuffed animals who are all individually named, whose family registries are accounted for, and are animated inside mine and my sister's imagination with each toy having their own complex personalities, quirks, and background stories that all intertwine to create an elaborate world that only my sis and I know about. If you're curious, I might write about it in the future, haha. ~_^ That had been a bit emo, lol. I actually thought about this post after meeting up with a friend last Wednesday. We were talking about how our old group of friends had been and whether either of us have been keeping in touch with each individual member of that group. And then, she said, "I actually don't think that the quality of a friendship depends on the amount of times you talk to the person within a span of time." I thought about that for a bit before agreeing and then I added, "I guess you could also say that the quality of a friendship could also be gauged through how awkward/unnatural a conversation goes whenever you do talk again."
I just thought about it because I do have some friends whom I, at times, don't talk to for weeks but then when I finally do, I could just skip the small talk and laugh with them about something I found hilarious. To be honest, I used to feel so guilty about the whole disappearing act I did, especially after a friend pointed it out two years ago that I often disappear from social media during school breaks. After that and until just a few months ago, I tried striking up chats with friends whom I haven't talked to for maximum 2 weeks. As expected, the chats ended up mostly small talk, and then nothing-- and the cycle repeated when I message them again after some time. After I got exhausted with the cycle, I shrank back into my old habit of disappearing for self-reflection and just to see how many people would notice my disappearance. I can't say I was shocked when there was close to none but still, that wasn't really the point I realised. I realised that some of the people I've been trying so hard to maintain connections with don't even initiate a conversation with me (some not even ever, unless they needed something) or wonder about how I'm doing, when I'm not the one striking up that conversation with them. As one friend sadly told me one day after I struck a conversation with them genuinely wondering how they were, "Do you need something from me?" . . . . . . . Tbh, ouch.
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I have commitment issues. Seriously. But, I won't be talking about people in this post (that would be for laterz). This time, I'm talking about my commitment to routines-- and it's pretty bad. I'm a very, VERY emotional person. I snort cry from happiness. I silent cry when I'm sad. I ugly cry when I get mad. And, I cry myself to sleep at night... because damn, Webtoons these days. Worst of all, what comes with my emotion is volatility. In simple words, I get into a LOT of mood swings. I get moments of sheer highs and sheer lows (the optimum times to be writing a blog post, just kidding). I know that that sounds very much like the bipolar disorder but as a PSA, please refrain from labeling yourself with a mental illness because it is never a good idea. Even if you think that a DSM entry "perfectly" describes your feelings, you're not a psychiatrist. Don't self-diagnose. Going back to the topic, most of my commitment plans are made during those sheer highs. It could be a result of a sudden conviction to change something. Or, other times, it could be a result of an existential crisis session after which I feel like I'm on a race against time to do/become something worthwhile. (Refer to my New Year blog post, and you'll understand what I'm talking about.) After committing myself to an idea, I usually give it my all, and all at once. I could spend almost 15 hours working on that idea during the first 24 hours. And I try to keep it up as much as I can for as long as I can (usually 3 days to a week) before I'm completely drained and exhausted. That's when the lows kick in. During those lows, I just become generally less excited than I had been the week before. While I know that results don't come in a flash and that growth is exponential, the self-defeating thoughts unfailingly come after that initial excitement. Usually, I am able to fight them off by reminding myself of the real purpose of my goal. For example, I made this blog for the sole intention of sharing my thoughts whether people read it or not. It's also like a journal for me, reminding myself of events in the past like a scrapbook, in digital millennial-style. Okay, so what's the problem? The good thing is that I've never given up on a personal goal. Postponed, re-evaluated, and tweaked, probably-- but, I'm too stubborn to just give up on something. The bad thing is that I can sometimes take forever to actually work towards that goal-- and when I do work on it, I work in short but extreme outbursts. In short, I'm inconsistent.. but I always get it done. . . . . . This has been an apology for the overdue emptiness of my reviews pages and travel journals. Huehue. I am working on it though, so please just hang a bit longer. Sorting out pictures take up a large amount of time (especially since it's years worth of mess that I'm trying to categorise). But, no more excuses, it will be there soon so for now, byee!
In light of the recent happening at the Philippine counterpart of the popular, multi-country talent Got Talent franchise, Pilipinas Got Talent, I found myself asking: Were Robin Padilla's action justified? Or were they necessary, at least? And to top it all off, this incident hit very close to home as, I, myself, am an expatriate at a foreign country, the UAE, and have been so for quite a lengthy amount of time. However, until now, I am not capable of holding a conversation in Arabic. Therefore, have I neglected my social responsibility to the language? Or can my situational reasoning make up for its lack thereof? Unfortunately, the video above does not have English subtitles available so for my non-Filipino readers (and for those who didn't even bother to watch the whole thing), here's a quick summary of what happened. Jiwan Kim auditioned as a magician at Pilipinas Got Talent. During the initial interview, we find out that Jiwan has been living as an expat in the Philippines for 10 years; and, he has a Filipina girlfriend. That's all well and good until he asks Judge Robin Padilla to be the participant in his magic trick attempt. At first, Robin refuses for he insists that Jiwan should speak Tagalog as he is, afterall, in Pilipinas Got Talent. Jiwan eventually gets to perform the magic trick, however, with the help of Judge Angel Locsin who translates his words to Tagalog so that he can use them to speak to Robin. After the performance and before the Yes/No voting started, Robin expressed his apologies to how harsh he might've sounded, saying that it was just a disciplining act 'from father to son'. He even goes on to praise Jiwan for being able to perform under pressure. And with that, Jiwan was accepted onto the next round after a Yes from 3 out of 4 judges. And no, that no did not come from Robin, but from Judge Freddie M. Garcia (commonly referred to as simply Judge FMG). As expected, the incident blew up online and many criticised Robin for being "racist and rude". The audition video (posted above) is also now trending on Youtube. WHEW! That was a lot, but here's more. Now that I've introduced to you the situation, I want to dissect the incident further to determine whether the reactions presented in this event are rightfully justified or simply unnecessary. Point #1: Language Being the nerdy kid that I am, you bet that I have a few opinions about how the language used in the exchange affected the whole incident. And no, I'm not talking about the use of Filipino vs. English but rather the use of tone and loaded language, etc. Let's get technical:
point#2: Live humiliation The main reason people had for the online backlash on Judge Robin Padilla was that his 'fatherly scolding' humiliated Jiwan Kim in front of a packed audience, as well as television viewers at home. Personally, I thought it was unnecessary. That's that. I've found a few people online who agree with me on this point and they commented that such a thing could have just been done backstage. Why did it have to be broadcast to everyone? It's not like he committed a crime or any major act of delinquency. In fact, for anyone who's unlike me and reads way too much into someone else's words, he'd have done nothing wrong at all. So, was it necessary for him to be humiliated live? . . . Perhaps, yes. While writing this post, I opened up the topic with a friend of mine, explained to her what had happened, and shared with her these, my opinions on the topic. And, she was actually the one who told me the answer to the question above. She said, "I'm assuming that partially, he (Robin) would make it such a big deal for more publicity, everyone loves a little heat and drama." Ahhh yes, whilst getting triggered over this whole event, I forgot that PGT isn't live and all the auditions that occur aren't shown on TV. Let's say that Judge Robin's reaction had been genuine and not, perhaps, scripted, the production company could have just edited the scene out, in order to avoid more "drama" with more people reacting on the situation. But no, Jiwan's full audition had been shown both on TV and uploaded online on PGT's official YouTube account. In retrospect, are we, the netizens, the ones getting played here? the verdict Judge Robin Padilla's reaction had been justified to an extent but was unnecessary regardless. Check back to Point #1 and that's pretty much my main argument to justify Judge Robin's actions. And just a small point to add, it wouldn't have been extremely difficult for Jiwan to learn a few Tagalog phrases for his audition. His trick was simple enough to be spoken in Tagalog if he tried. Even without Robin's reaction, speaking broken Tagalog could've earned him a few brownie points to impress the judges and the audience even more. However, at the end of the day, if I didn't nit-pick on Jiwan's language, I wouldn't have much to work with as to explaining how and why he had to endure such humiliation. I just think that the 'scolding could've been done differently, nicely. As petty a detail as Jiwan's question, "Robin, can I use you?" that's the only moment that which I thought was a direct cause of Robin's actions. . . . ... but hey, it's just a theory, a tv show theory!... and, cut!... It absolutely does not help that I write most of my blog posts within the wee hours of 2:00 to 5:00 AM because then there would be times that my post would be about absurd things such as that ^^^ Well, to let the cat out of the bag early, I didn't really have this 3 AM thought recently. I actually had it a few months ago but I am only posting about it now because I saw some notes I made about it while fishing through my notebook for something else. Okay, so, on with the story! Now, I don't exactly remember what triggered it but one night, I apparently thought, "hey, since we (humans, assuming you are one too) drown underwater due to lack of gaseous oxygen. Then, if the same principle applies, fish must drown when introduced to our environment of gaseous oxygen as opposed to dissolved oxygen!" If that didn't make sense to you, well it did to me in my few days of enlightenment until Google ruined it for me... but more on that later on. Okay, so, I was obviously overjoyed. Huzza! I am a genius! A philosophy queen! I bet not many people have thought of that before! Boo-yah! I slept on it. I posted about it. I mulled it over for a few days (without googling it). And at that time, I was preparing at least two university applications and so I thought that I would develop it and incorporate it into my personal essays to show that I'm cool and quirky and innovative and creative and that they should probably accept me (please, anybody) because I just had a Eureka moment that would turn the science world on its head. I shit you not, I made a brainstorming map, as well as already started writing a few drafts about it because I was INEVITABLY convinced that this was the essay topic that would make admissions officers love me! But then, I realised I was a dumbass. When I make essays, or even just simple things like blog posts (which nobody reads) and I write about a specific something that opens up the possibility of misinformation on my part, I consult Google. And thank goodness, I do that because I almost showed admissions officers the dumbass that I truly am.
Before I reveal the truth, here are a few things that I discovered when I simply, confidently googled the phrase "fish can drown":
P.S. I ended up choosing another topic for those essays but don't be mistaken, I also had other reasons for not going through with it. I may still use it for the applications I'm yet to send out so, who knows? It was January 1, the first day of the year, and I was feeling very change-y (I dub thee 'change-y' as an official word in no one's dictionary starting today.) The night was young at 11:55 PM and in those last 5 minutes before the day expired, I was determined starting off the fresh year with a bang. And so voila! After a year and a half-long abstinence from high-maintenance hairstyles starting in mid-2016, I was craving to try on something new. You see, before that period, I was rather experimental with my hair. 6 months was the longest duration in which I would keep a style before moving on to the next one. I've had layers-- all types of them from semi-layers to just layers on the front to choppy layers, you name it. I've enjoyed long hair and all the types of braids you could do with it; medium hair and all its fun half-dos; and short hair which is simply awesome after a brief blow-dry. I've had my fair share of fun in hair colour too. Reds, pinks, and orange (mostly just variations of warm tones because the colour choice here in the UAE is very limited, as well as, fade out way too easily) streaky highlights that were strategically hidden in my mop of hair was my take on edginess and teenage rebellion. And finally, to top off every look, I've always had fringes. I've tried side bangs; baby bangs; covering-one-eye bangs; choppy, emo bangs; blunt bangs; and, middle-parted bangs.
In 2016, however, when my bangs grew too long, I just decided to fully grow them out and maintain a simple bob haircut-- the type that did not require any styling, whatsoever. You just take a shower and go. I honestly did not even comb my hair anymore, and then, I was too distracted with IB to care. So, it's 2018! I... forgot to write a New Year's Resolution. Apologies? Anyways, list or no list, what's important is to actually go through with your goals and pursue them consistently. I, personally, am not one to talk. I have broken quite a bit of that consistency ever since the winter break started. Comfort food, galore; and exercise, naught. I haven't picked up my guitar as well for almost two weeks now. I've slacked back on my Duolingo streaks. And, it's 2018 and I still don't have finished drafts of my webcomics-- much less, a maintainable and easy art style (for the challenged). AND SO, I'm writing my hopes for the new year below impromptu, and, let's make it public in hopes that doing so would actually help me stick to my goals. So, without further ado, here are the things that I want to focus on, this 2018: 1. Health and Well-being:
2. Languages: (NOTE: I did not use google translate for the following, mind you.)
3. Music:
4. Writing:
Side Note: Wow, I seem to write a lot of "to be continued in another post"s... Hmmm... |
Notes from the author: If you'd like to have a conversation with me about anything I've written in this blog, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, memes, or anything at all, slide into my DMs at:
The cover artwork featured above is used with special permission from IG: @squackoud
Special hashtags to watch out for:*** the following are specialised blog entries that have no set schedule compared to the usual bi-weekly postings.
#WednesdayWritings - drabbles, poetry, prose, short stories--- creative and expressive writing in no one's style.
#ThrowbackThursday - the cringey, the I-did-that? moments, the tear-inspiring, and the embarrassing moments of the past gone by--- available only here so shhhh...
#FreeThoughtFriday - a collection of 3AM thoughts for your collective amusement and might get you asking wtf?!
to see older posts:To view some of my older posts, there is a "previous" button hiding just below the bottom left corner of the last post of this page.
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