I have commitment issues. Seriously. But, I won't be talking about people in this post (that would be for laterz). This time, I'm talking about my commitment to routines-- and it's pretty bad. I'm a very, VERY emotional person. I snort cry from happiness. I silent cry when I'm sad. I ugly cry when I get mad. And, I cry myself to sleep at night... because damn, Webtoons these days. Worst of all, what comes with my emotion is volatility. In simple words, I get into a LOT of mood swings. I get moments of sheer highs and sheer lows (the optimum times to be writing a blog post, just kidding). I know that that sounds very much like the bipolar disorder but as a PSA, please refrain from labeling yourself with a mental illness because it is never a good idea. Even if you think that a DSM entry "perfectly" describes your feelings, you're not a psychiatrist. Don't self-diagnose. Going back to the topic, most of my commitment plans are made during those sheer highs. It could be a result of a sudden conviction to change something. Or, other times, it could be a result of an existential crisis session after which I feel like I'm on a race against time to do/become something worthwhile. (Refer to my New Year blog post, and you'll understand what I'm talking about.) After committing myself to an idea, I usually give it my all, and all at once. I could spend almost 15 hours working on that idea during the first 24 hours. And I try to keep it up as much as I can for as long as I can (usually 3 days to a week) before I'm completely drained and exhausted. That's when the lows kick in. During those lows, I just become generally less excited than I had been the week before. While I know that results don't come in a flash and that growth is exponential, the self-defeating thoughts unfailingly come after that initial excitement. Usually, I am able to fight them off by reminding myself of the real purpose of my goal. For example, I made this blog for the sole intention of sharing my thoughts whether people read it or not. It's also like a journal for me, reminding myself of events in the past like a scrapbook, in digital millennial-style. Okay, so what's the problem? The good thing is that I've never given up on a personal goal. Postponed, re-evaluated, and tweaked, probably-- but, I'm too stubborn to just give up on something. The bad thing is that I can sometimes take forever to actually work towards that goal-- and when I do work on it, I work in short but extreme outbursts. In short, I'm inconsistent.. but I always get it done. . . . . . This has been an apology for the overdue emptiness of my reviews pages and travel journals. Huehue. I am working on it though, so please just hang a bit longer. Sorting out pictures take up a large amount of time (especially since it's years worth of mess that I'm trying to categorise). But, no more excuses, it will be there soon so for now, byee!
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Special hashtags to watch out for:*** the following are specialised blog entries that have no set schedule compared to the usual bi-weekly postings.
#WednesdayWritings - drabbles, poetry, prose, short stories--- creative and expressive writing in no one's style.
#ThrowbackThursday - the cringey, the I-did-that? moments, the tear-inspiring, and the embarrassing moments of the past gone by--- available only here so shhhh...
#FreeThoughtFriday - a collection of 3AM thoughts for your collective amusement and might get you asking wtf?!
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