I first learned of the word "autonomy" in my Year 9 History class when we were studying about World War I. How is this related to what I'm about to say? Nothing. None at all. I just wanted to mention it. ;)
. . . Anyways, I turned 18 last April, on the day before my first IB exam. I just finished high school, I graduated last May. I am, according to law, of legal age. I am, however, according to my current state, still very much a kid. I am more like a responsible kid, per se. I can live alone in terms of taking care of myself. I can cook. I can clean. I can wash and iron my own clothes. I have no problems contacting any authorities or establishments for anything. I can cross the road. I can ride a taxi. I can set up a doctor's appointment for myself. I can go on a medical check-up by myself. However... I've barely crossed the street alone. I've only ridden the taxi alone less than 5 times; and by alone, I meant, with a friend and I didn't ask my parents permission to do it-- I called them when I was already in the taxi. I have to call my parents whenever I ride a taxi. I can't drive. I've never gone grocery-shopping by myself. I'm chauffered to 98% of the events I go to. I've set up a doctor's appointment and attended the check-up alone, just once. And so based on all that, I can safely say I'm just about 25% adult and 75% child. I have no one and nothing to blame for it. That's just my situation. I do say that I feel less autonomous and capable of independence than most of my friends, especially the ones from the Philippines. Since my batch was the last one to be permitted to attend university even after only completing until Year 10 of secondary education. most of my Filipino friends and former classmates are now already in their 3rd year of undergraduate studies while I am here, not even in university yet. My usual stance on the topic is a state of indifferent acceptance. I studied under an international secondary curriculum which ends in Year 12, and so, it is only natural for me to start university later than my Filipino peers. However, I would have to start university even later because I am taking a gap year (that may be something I rant about some other time). Speaking of my Filipino peers, since they have been in university earlier than I am, and therefore, have already been living independently for quite some time while I still am not, I do get a sense of insecurity sometimes. I feel that I have a lacking of sorts, like I'm weak and incompetent compared to them. My consolation is that the circumstances that I am in are partly responsible for the reason why I am not like them; and my confidence, is in the fact that I am ready to take on a life of autonomy once the circumstances permit. I am in no particular hurry, however. I recognise that with autonomy comes the fact that I will be leaving behind my family. Alas, for now, I'll enjoy living in the moment. I crave a sense of autonomy, I believe that would be a freedom most gratifying. However, I also already long for the comfort of being surrounded by my family, and Arima. That is my curious issue with autonomy.
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