Am I pretty? I ask no one often when I am in the comfort of being alone, unseen by judging eyes and gossiping mouths. I have troublesome skin, tear-stricken face for every night that I spent thinking of the reasons why I was not made pretty. Although I have a rather decent nose bridge, I have a wide nose which does it no justice. Big eyes that see blurry. A big mouth with a gummy smile. Braces that remain there overdue. A face that is rather angular but not in a very pleasing manner.
Am I pretty? I often ask myself but receive no answer. There were days when I would want to answer yes. There were days when I felt like I could actually answer yes. And days when I actually, excitedly answered yes. But among those were days when I shook my head sadly, mumbling no. Days when I laid my head down and sighed, thinking no. Days whn I cried myself to sleep, knowing that the answer was no. Am I pretty? I thought as I close the camera app in favour of Snow and Snapchat which has filters to make me look better. Filters to hide the flaws, the unevenness of my face, the asymmetry, the ugliness. Maybe if my eyes were bigger I could actually be cute. Why is my hair never like I want it to be? It is sometimes too straight or too frizzy. Maybe if my nose was any smaller I could actually be pretty, a less messier set of brows, a prettier set of lips. Am I pretty? I tried asking others. They were either friends and family, of course. They said, yes, you’re pretty. But it never did satisfy me. Why do I still feel ugly when the outside validation is there. I don’t believe them, theyre just saying that--- I somehow often manage to convince myself. I am not pretty, they’re just being nice. Am I pretty? I look to the internet for answers. I post a selfie to see if anyone would comment or like. But as usual no one comments and those who like are the same people everytime—friends and family who never fail to reassure my dwindling self-esteem although it’s not working. Am I pretty? Am I? Because I want to feel like I am...
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